If It’s Not Love… What is It?

Please, please, please be careful not to mistake “love” for the other things you may be feeling or experiencing.  Here are a few common mistakes:

Lust

Lust is the feeling that is often mistaken for love because it is an intense and sudden attraction to somebody you hardly even know. It is so often mistaken for love because the attraction you have for that person you barely even know is so strong. Lust is normally all consuming, meaning that you are constantly thinking about that person, texting them, and talking about them to your friends. Many teens believe they are falling in love, when they are actually falling in lust because the other person is probably just someone they met in school or church. Sometimes reality can get lost in the excitement, so you may become a trap of “fantasy” and fairy tales that make love seem like an “all of a sudden” thing. An overwhelming amount of physical attraction can also make people in lust believe they are in love. As a result, you or your girlfriend/boyfriend may not be able to keep your hands off of each other. You think about each other constantly and talk about one another all the time.

This is NOT reality. This is fantasy and temporary. Fantasy does not mix with reality, so be mindful of your relationships and don’t mistake lust for love.

Obsession

Obsessions are probably the most dangerous thing to mistake for love because this is a way teens rationalize the crazy feelings they are having. Remember that obsession is dangerous. You may assume that it must be love if the other person is always on your mind and feels the same way about you that you do about them. Obsession is a more intense form of lust because it is much more destructive, misleading, and long-lasting. Obsession just doesn’t go away over night.

The more time and effort you invest in the unhealthy obsession you have for that person, the more intense the obsession will become. If you continue to use all your energy and time on this person, how can you have time and energy to invest in important things like family and school? If you are obsessed, you probably have a one-track mind that is causing you to lose touch with who you are as an individual. You forget that you are 100 percent of a person… you do not need another person to complete another 50 percent for you. Don’t lose your individuality for someone else, because it’s most likely obsession instead of love if you have to compromise yourself, anyway.

Rebounding

You probably heard about the “rebound”. A rebound is a relationship that starts up really quickly because another relationship has just ended. Teens use rebounds to forget about the loneliness they feel when a relationship ends. Sadly, rebounding can feel like love simply because the people are looking for love, and as a result, force the “feelings of love”. You may convince yourself that you’re in love, when you’re actually missing the relationship you had before because it provided you safety and comfort. A good way to tell you are experiencing a rebound is if your old relationship keeps interfering with the progress of your new relationship